Wanted: Pine boughs and spiders

I hate flies. I detest flies.  I abhor flies. I loathe flies. I… I think you get the picture. Why do I dislike them so much? The answer is simple: their offspring. Maggots. I shudder every time I think about them. They are nasty, vile creatures.

My solution? Pine boughs and spiders.


According to what I’ve read, there are many things that repel flies naturally.  Fly swatters, window screens, citrus, spiders, and pine boughs are a few. Therefore, I am putting out a nation-wide APB for spiders and pine boughs. We have the fly swatters and window screens and I’ve seen too many flies on citrus fruits to believe that they will work.

Now that I actually WANT this spider around, he's nowhere to be found.

While I’m not particularly fond of spiders (read as: I kill them every time I see one), if they will obliterate these flies, I will LOVE them. Literally. I will make sure they are protected from brooms, dogs, and Bella’s bug box.  My house will be a spider sanctuary. 

Bugs that go into Bella's bug box NEVER come out alive.

So, the next time you see a spider in your house that you want to re-locate, call me. I will gladly take him. He will be VERY well-fed.

Note: Please, don’t send anything poisonous. Or man-eating.



2 thoughts on “Wanted: Pine boughs and spiders”

  1. You can have all the spiders in my apartment. For free! You just have to come get them, because I kill them. You should probably come for a spider pick-up a couple times a week because they seem to be rather prolific. If you can be “on-call” for spider pick-up, I’ll let you know when/where to get the biggest ones! Thanks!

    P.S. I won’t be visiting once you’ve relocated the spiders to your house! 🙂

    1. I’ll take them! Except… Maybe you could trap them and ship them to me? I’m not sure I want to travel that far every few days!

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